Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
