Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
