dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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