I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
