READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
