If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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