So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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