dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
