you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
