She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
