I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
