# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
