so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
