She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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