My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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