so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
