We won't sleep together?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
