yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
