I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
