have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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