meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
