You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
