i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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