Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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