We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
