Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
