My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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