if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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