I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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