I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
