It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
