I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
