She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so let's talk penis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
