I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
