he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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