i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
try to milk me bitch
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