You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
