it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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