I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
