when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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