the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
