Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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