Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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