Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
