I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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