Actions speak louder than pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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