I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
