After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
