If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
