My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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