Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
