At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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