Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
