I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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